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Healing the Shame that Binds You (Recovery Classics), by John Bradshaw
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This classic book, written 17 years ago but still selling more than 13,000 copies every year, has been completely updated and expanded by the author.
"I used to drink," writes John Bradshaw,"to solve the problems caused by drinking. The more I drank to relieve my shame-based loneliness and hurt, the more I felt ashamed."
Shame is the motivator behind our toxic behaviors: the compulsion, co-dependency, addiction and drive to superachieve that breaks down the family and destroys personal lives. This book has helped millions identify their personal shame, understand the underlying reasons for it, address these root causes and release themselves from the shame that binds them to their past failures.
- Sales Rank: #8688 in Books
- Brand: Unknown
- Published on: 2005-10-15
- Released on: 2005-10-15
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x 1.10" w x 5.50" l, .85 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 316 pages
- Great product!
Most helpful customer reviews
85 of 87 people found the following review helpful.
Real breakthrough
By Ana F
Ah. So It has a name. That feeling that follows us through years and years, that keeps eating at us and deteriorating our life. At first you double the efforts to keep on functioning and achieving ("put your back into it!"). Some achievements come with that. But you feel increasingly drained, fearful of disasters and failure (which can lead you smack into some of them btw), and just so gd tired. And weirdly empty, disconnected and phony even to yourself. Soooo.... bit by bit you keep on trying to quench that nagging dissatisfied thirst with... well, just plain more. More work. More "fun" (a world of problems here, none of them fun at all). More money. More shoes. And always thinking "when I get that new (i) car (ii) job (iii) promotion (iv) title (v) ring etc etc etc, I'll feel better. More serene and real. I'll find "my" place, where I "belong"".
One therapist once told me that this sounded like "when I grow up...". I never forgot that.
This book is important. To me, it was an absolute revelation.
If you identify with anything I wrote above, check this book out. It brings an almost immediate feeling of relief. What happens after the first eureka moment is up to each one of us and our individual stories. But, as a group, it's like realizing your symptons are documented and part of a disease that afflicts a lot of people and not just you - and which CAN be treated; which has nothing to do with your real identity.
And that place? Where we belong? It's right there inside each of us, patiently waiting for us to come back. I'm trying to find my own way back, and this book was the most precise and clearest "guide" I found so far. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm on my way. Using the right road and all. At the right pace.
I do wish I had come across this before. But then again, time and place for everything, right?
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
As you can imagine when I got to that point in the book and read about it I was greatly amazed: ) I almost have the feeling that
By Steven Smith
I had only learned the concept of toxic shame just this year online. The online source I learned it from was lacking in terms of solutions though. This book does both well in my opinion, it describes the problem, and solutions. I found it very ironic when I started reading this book because after learning about the existence of toxic shame I had started doing the first few steps to fix the problem that he suggested in this book. As you can imagine when I got to that point in the book and read about it I was greatly amazed :) I almost have the feeling that God was guiding me in my recent life to help me with my psychological issues. You don't have to be religious to do what this book says though, and in fact it will tell you that if you are built in toxic shame you CANNOT be religious, and his solutions do not require religion at any step of the process.
I had taken medicine and had even gone to a therapist with my psychological concerns and never felt that any progress was made. Some of the things suggested as solutions in this book were suggested to me by the therapist but he didn't really explain things in a way that got me motivated like this book did. I think you have to have a basic understanding of the problem before you can start work to fix it. That's the thing with toxic shame: hearing what you are doing wrong won't help, it just reinforces it, makes it worse. You have to understand that the toxic shame is the SOURCE of the problem before you can take steps to solve it.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Irked
By Maria-Camilla
I heard lots and lots of positive things about this book. Although I have found useful things in the text, the general tone of the book irked me. The author should abstain from judging as shaming things he clearly does not understand in depth. His treatment of religion, for example, I found lacking. He used few words (and shaming language!) to do away with concepts which, properly understood, have none of the features the author laments (original sin, the existence of hell, etc). One may have objections to what is taught by different religions and may understand things differently, but embracing superficial interpretations and dismissing whole topics as "shaming" or "condemning" is not intellectually adequate. It also is not helpful, because spiritual abuse is healed by finding a path to the truth that was obscured in the abuse. I felt that the author's approach may make it even harder to resolve the abuse.
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